Nose over knees over toes or arse over tit?

1, I didn’t fall on my arse for the whole session, I was super proud of myself, however while walking back home through central Cambridge I managed to fall flat on my face, not even sure how I managed it, I think I need pads in real life…


2, You can not scratch your head while wearing your helmet, I know, I tried.


3, I do not currently have a bag I can fit all my kit in, I do not even have a bag I can fit most of my kit in without spending a good deal of time thinking about the order in which items go into the bag, this is too much work post skating, I need something I can just chuck items at before crawling home.


4, Skating makes me as hungry as running, passably even more so. Although I always have breakfast, by the time I have got to training and skated for two hours I am beyond hungry. This week I came out of training and wandered into a shop which sold food, I struggled not to just fall into the first display and polish off the whole thing through osmosis. I don’t remember anything touching the sides on the way down, never mind chewing, gah, I’m hungry thinking about it!


5, I am OK at falling (to be fair I have had quite a lot of practice) I really need to work on gliding (skating round on one leg) and my balance generally. I struggle with “sticky skates” an exercise in which rather than pushing with your feet to move along, you keep moving by using your leg muscles and foot movements, keeping your skates in contact with the floor the whole time, it may just be that I struggled so much with this as my leg muscles hated me by this point.


6, I need to spend as much time as possible in “derby stance” (nose over knees over toes) both on and off skates, right, arse (halfway) to grass! Let’s go!


Apparently next week we need mouth guards…


Three walnut whips, easy on the walnuts and a shot glass of the warmest orange juice known to humanity please

The thing about Saturdays is that I’m often up and on my bike before I’m fully awake, in the winter this can be quite painful but once the suns out there is no better way to acclimatise to the day.


Today’s not in the least (hem) hung-over pedal to the rowing club was followed by my first row in an eight of the year* and the first crab I have caught in at least a year, A proper over your head number at full kilt. All of this silliness was preceded by the cooking of 24 bacon butties, with the help of the very vegetarian Tracy. All of which were quickly snaffled by hungry rowers.


Before I could relax in the sun my Nokia N95 intruder alarm informed me my mother was sitting outside my house and a swift cycle back was required before said effort was rewarded by a free lunch for myself and him-indoors.


Once again I was so hungry* I didn’t really eat lunch as absorb it instantaneously without bothering with things like chewing, this may be because up until this point all of the aforementioned exercise was achieved on a breakfast of three walnut whips* and a shot glass of warm orange juice, oh yes breakfast of champions.


Any time, which could have been used in sewing or cycling, was taken up by sleeping, such a bad person am I…


I did however watch another cycling themed film, Overcoming, I had tried to watch this on Thursday but the husband informed me he was much too tired for subtitles, to which I replied you don’t need to the subtitles their speaking Danish it’s like practically the same thing.


The film is described as a profound and penetrating insight into the hermetically closed world of professional cycling. My review is as follows;


– Can people’s necks really make that noise without breaking?


– These guys fall off a lot, does that mean I’m not in fact a shit cyclist even thou I’m always covered in scrapes, cuts, burns and bruises?


– I’d like someone to clean and maintain my bike… oh yes, thanks him-indoors…


– Lance should do panto, he’s like the ultimate all time bad guy, I made him-indoors dress as Lance Armstrong for Halloween last year, see illustration A


– Ok so perhaps Danish isn’t just like English, oh no wait that’s French…how many languages does this guy speak?




* We went to the house, I love rowing in the Fens, you have such as great landmarks to aim for, such as “the house” “the power cables” and one of my favs “the white sign” which is really just a post, as the sign fell off years ago


*I don’t eat bacon


*I don’t eat the walnuts, him-indoors gets thrown those